just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
