You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
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My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
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There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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