Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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