You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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