She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
