It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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