Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
