Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
there was a trapeze. enough said
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
