babies were throwing up all over the place
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
