Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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