HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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