OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
