I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
