'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
