Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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