Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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