just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
