That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
