Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
