i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
