Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
