i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
