So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
