Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
