We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
