I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
