I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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