i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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