I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
