I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Panties = found
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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