If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
