There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
