First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
