Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
