omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
