So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
