I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
