no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
