Princesses don't give blow jobs
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
