is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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