Kiss
Puke
She is in my trunk
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
