Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
