so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
