you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
