Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
