you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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