Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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