i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
