I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
