Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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