Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
