I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
