wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
