STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
