grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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