My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
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I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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