Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize