if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
