Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
