my sisters under your porch take her home
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
