We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
