well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
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