she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
