He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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